Suicide Hotline

Operator: Hello, My name's John, what's your name.
Jerry: ...Jerry
Operator: Ok what seems to be the problem Joey?
Jerry: Its Jerry
Operator: Oh...Sorry Jerry, tell me whats wrong.
Jerry: See my life is ok, I got an ok job a good apartment, a nice set of friends but...I'm sorry this is gonna sound really stupid.
Operator: Its Ok Jerry, you can tell me.
Jerry: Well, I know this girl, whos going out with this guy...who has a 10 inch penis.
Operator: .........what.
Jerry: I know, I couldnt believe it, I was st-
Operator: I'm sorry to interrupt but, you want to kill yourself because you know someone with a 10 inch penis?
Jerry; Yes. Yes I do.
Operator: I'm sorry to pry but can you tell me why this penis makes you want to die?
Jerry: Well, I'm not the type people would pick to be on a football or Trivial Pursuit Team, I'm not the best looking guy either, but I always felt that I had a big penis.
Operator: ....O...k...
Jerry: I knew you wouldnt understand, i-i should go now.
Operator: No wait! I'm trying to understand. Please continue.
Jerry: Ok, but I always felt I had a big penis, I used that to get over my crushing shyness, i told myself whenever i went into a room, that i had the biggest penis. It got to the point I believed I had the biggest penis in the city. Then the state...then the country..and then
Operator: ...the world.
Jerry: Exactly, My confidence grew and I started truly enjoying life. It was the gr-
Operator: Wait, how does this make any sense, you believed you had the biggest penis in the world? Theres no way to know that!
Jerry: Exactly! So theres no way to know thats not true? Its not like i can i mean want to see every mans penis. So I can just assume i have the biggest.
Operator: What about pornstars? You thought your penis was bigger then theirs?
Jerry: Well their professionals, plus they have surgery.
Operator: ...ok, this is all nice but we need to get back to the reason you want to kill yourself.
Jerry: Well, when I found out this guy had a 10 inch penis, I had no idea what to think. I felt like humpty dumpty when he fell off his wall, like Drago when he lost to Rocky, like when the Patriots lost to the Giants. I couldnt believe it, at first i tried to block it out, but then everytime id see him......all i could see was his penis.
Operator: .....What.
Jerry: I would see his Penis, just laughing at me, everything he had seem bigger than what i had, if i was wearing a medium he was wearing an XXL, it drove me nuts. I bought weights to-
Operator: Compensate? Alot of guys do that.
Jerry: No i got penis weights to lengthen it, but all that happened is...i got a sprain.
Operator: Ouch.
Jerry: Yes, so now I need to wear a cast, I cant work, I cant go out,...i cant beat off, I just wanna die.
Operator: Wow...I see why. But dont let this get to you, cuz umm.....me may have a bigger......penis than you, but you might have a... better penis than him.
Jerry: I never thought about it that way.....
Operator: And also, worse comes to worse you can get surgery.
Jerry; I think i just might! Thanks Man! I owe you my life! Literally!
Operator: No problem Sir. Have a nice night Jerry.